When last week you read about the Second Battle of Bunker Hill, did you really think that that was all that'd happened at the noble Rossmere? The Corinthian columns! Those dentils! Don’t they just scream Dope Addict Goes Berserk?

December 28, 1918. Juvenille officers were called to a vacant lot at First and Hope where young toughs were blasting away at tin cans with their air rifles. The two collared ringleaders were on their way to the station house when one of the youngsters tucked a lock of long hair under his cap…he being Miss Juanita Stuart, fourteen, of the Rossmere. She protested tearfully when her mother was instructed by officers to burn the costume of khaki trousers, flannel shirt and boy’s sweater, and to keep the young lady attired in feminine apparel only thereafter.

Greetings! My name is Eddie Quette, and the powers that be here at the Bunker Hill blog have requested that I write about proper behavior. Every week, hundreds of letters pour into the blog, asking about table manners, social refinement, polite human interactions, good taste, and the like. My job is to extract from this pile the most tasteful, insightful, and intelligent letters. Then I throw those away and attempt to respond to the rest.

So, without further ado, let's dip into the ol' mailbag and read our first letter. This comes to us from a
longtime resident of Highland Park.

Q. Hello, I'm from Highland Park....

A. We KNOW that, numbskull! It was in the intro!

A. Oh, sorry. Anyway, I've oft put off or bowed out of a ganking, as I struggle with what I imagine are common questions: is a pearl-handled
firearm gauche before dusk? Are they "not done" after Labor Day? Is an automatic more appropriate when holding up dinner parties than a revolver? Can I wear a blued nickel piece with brown shoes? Please advise!